Week Ten: Evaluating my conflict styles

The outcome of my conflict styles evaluation from the Wilmot and Hocker text was not necessarily surprising however, it was interesting to see my outcome in comparison to the other options. In the evaluation of my conflict communications with my husband, I was happy to find that I most likely operate from a collaborative standpoint.  This comes after many years of avoidance on both sides, a significant amount of accommodation from my side and two years of premarital and marriage counseling.  After eight years together, not only did we become aware of our tendency to avoid conflict, we acknowledged that a fair amount of resentment had built up and took steps to learn communication strategies to improve them (The Four Horsemen in particular).  After reading the excerpt regarding the Collaborative conflict style, I do agree that it is possible for one of the parties in the relationship to use collaborative techniques to manipulate the other.  I have been guilty of this as has my husband.  For the most part though, collaborating with one another has helped us grow as individuals as well as a team. 

Similarly, I was definitely not surprised to see that I use the Accommodation-style with my boss with the Avoidance-style as a close runner-up.  I find that I tend toward these styles when I am interacting with someone whom I consider to be an authority figure (supervisors, those with seniority, professors, elders, etc).  Sadly, I find myself habitually operating from my adolescent perspective. I was raised in a very hierarchical family where my father was the boss, my mother didn't have a voice and we certainly didn't think or speak for ourselves as children.  My mother likes to say I was a "yes" girl or a people-pleaser and growing up it was something for me to be proud of.  I didn't talk back, I listed to my teachers, I did everything I was asked to do and understood that was not appropriate for me to assert myself, provide suggestions, etc.  As I got older, I went through quite a rebellious and resentful stage where I would find myself in the cycles that Wilmot and Hocker outline in Chapter Five.  Initally I would Avoid-Avoid.  As I get older, I find myself  in the Avoid-Escalate-Avoid cycle.  Both cycles are unhealthy and both cycles are habits that are difficult to break when I develop relationships with new individuals.  As I become more comfortable in my relationships, I find myself using other tactics.  That being said, I've been working with my boss for four months now so it may be a while before I stop being Accommodating or using Avoidance and begin using my voice in a constructive way.

Week Eight: My name is Melissa and I am a control freak

My current position at a downtown law firm requires me to motivate, encourage and lead teams of staff and lawyers on pro bono legal projects, community service activities and employee giving campaigns.  I had previously viewed my responsibilities as creating the opportunity for employees to give back in altruistic ways.  More recently I changed my views after reading research about altruism vs. core competencies as employee motivators and realizing most employee volunteers are persuaded to do community service when it provides a personal return for them.  And now, after I read about the Organizational Identification and Control theory, I'm reconsidering what I think about the company reasoning behind such programs.  I had always viewed my position and my programs as a way to encourage employee satisfaction, increase business goals and provide training opportunities for workers.  However, I never really considered what I did as controlling in any way.  However, after reading the theory and the methods used to control in organizations - I definitely do.  I find myself using or encouraging the use of unobtrusive control and concertive control.  As soon as new employees come on, our department presents the Community Service mission and vision of Faegre & Benson to the new hires.  We then set up meetings with them to outline all of the opportunities we have for them to volunteer.  We also encourage their group leaders to be involved and inspire involvement.  We also employ concertive control by using team leaders/group leaders for each volunteer/service/giving program who then use peer pressure to persuade involvement.  I am not going to deny that I'm a bit of a controlling personality, however I was surprised at this new understanding of other ways I control people - for better or for worse.

Week Eight: Leadership refined by Emotional Intelligence

It is safe to say that I have read hundreds of articles, books and research on professional leadership topics over the course of my thirteen years in the workforce.  I have also done some personal work on my own emotional intelligence (EQ), however I never expected that I would one day relate the two.  Rather, I have always thought of emotional intelligence as something that should be viewed in the lens of family dynamics or personal relationships.  Whether it was naive or not, I was pleasantly surprised to find that D & Z created a bridge for the two while Table 6.2 gave some concrete examples of high emotional intelligence in the workplace.  As a professional who motivates staff, peers, superiors, etc. to participate in activities that are many times not related to their job duties, I always knew leadership was important to my job.  However, I'm now interested in doing additional research on EQ in the workplace.